REYKYAVIK-CCP announced today due to budget cuts and restructuring they will be forced to lay off approximately 10,000 players from EvE online, the popular online space ship second job.
"This is not a decision we have made lightly, but we feel that it is a necessary next step for the company to move on and grow." Stated CEO Hilmar during a press conference earlier today. "We wish our former players the best of luck, and hope they find new opportunities in other games they can treat like second jobs, mindlessly grinding away at activities that no sane human being could ever find remotely enjoyable."
As a result, many angry players are now out on the cold, and having to actually physically interact with other human beings, with only their actual jobs to sustain them.
"I spent at least 4 hours a day organizing spreadsheets for my shuttle manufacturing business." One of the layed off players stated. "Now what do I do? No other game has managed to be as much of a joyless grind as EvE." This sentiment was repeated by numerous players, from miners operating 10 accounts at once, POS logistics specialists spending hours on mundane and repetitive chores, and especially CEOs of major corporations tired of dealing with all the fucking drama and bullshit. Seriously, not a fucking day goes by when one of you isn't crying because someone said something in chat that hurt your feelings or a blue stole your ratting spot or whatever. Christ, shut the fuck up and grow some fucking balls. It's like dealing with bunch of fucking children.
"Many of these EvE players will be able to transfer their skills at masochistically doing the same thing over and over again into other MMO opportunists." One analyst claimed. One place these players are likely to find second jobs in the is growing Asian MMO market which features numerous 'games' that are not fun in the slightest and feature soul crushingly repetitive grinds. These type of games are frequently referred to as 'free to play' due to the massive cost associated with doing absolutely anything in them.
Some feel it isn't all bad though. "I was planning on retiring from playing EvE online to work full time anyway." Another capsuleer said in regards to being laid off. "I might start doing some WoW raiding on the side too. It's not enough of a tedious grind that it makes you question the purpose of life itself, but it keeps you busy."
CCP has announced the reason for the lay-offs is to free up the resources necessary for next expansion; a 5% increase in fuel bay size for Black Ops Battleships.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
CCP Announces new Offline Mode for Miners, Mission Runners.
REYKJAVIK-Today CCP announced a stunning new feature for the summer expansion, Odyssey: an offline mode for those who enjoy mining and mission running dubbed 'Eve Offline.'
"Eve Offline is perfect for those who enjoy EvE online but want to avoid the social aspect entirely." Stated CCP in their release presentation. "We all know the worst part of EvE online is the players, and with the new EvE Offline expansion, now you won't have to deal with them."
CCP went on to state that the goal of Odyssey is to bring back the excitement and wonderment of exploring but at the same time to make sure that everyone is able to control exactly what happens to them at all times, to ensure no unwanted types of game play occur.
"Online interactions are hard to control, which is why they can't be rated. We can't choose to deliver a more lighthearted experience for the younger audience as long as the random nature of online game play is present." CCP went on to explain. "This is why we are so excited about EvE Offline as it gives us a great opportunity to reach out to new demographics and target 12 and under crowd."
CCP plans to further iterate on the concept later and eventually plans to add AI companions that players can hire to salvage for them, or group up with to run incursions. CCP also hinted at bigger things to come.
"A full blown single player campaign for EvE Offline is also in the works. This will be a thrilling adventure around the universe of EvE in which the capsuleer begins their career as a lowly rookie, completing mining missions before eventually moving up to level 4 missions and incursions. Eventually the player will leave the safety of high-sec to begin a life of piracy in low-sec and finally build an entire 0.0 empire. These are all things that are possible now in EvE Online, but with EvE Offline we can finally remove any risk or challenge and dumb it down to the lowest common denominator."
CCP also announced DUST 314 will be receiving a single player campaign taking inspiration from the Modern Military Shooter genre. CCP promises to deliver a tightly scripted cinematic 3 hour campaign with linear levels, a cheesy B-movie action plot, gimmicks that only come up once and are discarded, and scripted sequences in which the player is not in control taking up at least a third of total playtime.
Eve Offline debuts this summer and is free but requires an active EvE Online subscription and constant internet connection to play.
"Eve Offline is perfect for those who enjoy EvE online but want to avoid the social aspect entirely." Stated CCP in their release presentation. "We all know the worst part of EvE online is the players, and with the new EvE Offline expansion, now you won't have to deal with them."
CCP went on to state that the goal of Odyssey is to bring back the excitement and wonderment of exploring but at the same time to make sure that everyone is able to control exactly what happens to them at all times, to ensure no unwanted types of game play occur.
"Online interactions are hard to control, which is why they can't be rated. We can't choose to deliver a more lighthearted experience for the younger audience as long as the random nature of online game play is present." CCP went on to explain. "This is why we are so excited about EvE Offline as it gives us a great opportunity to reach out to new demographics and target 12 and under crowd."
CCP plans to further iterate on the concept later and eventually plans to add AI companions that players can hire to salvage for them, or group up with to run incursions. CCP also hinted at bigger things to come.
"A full blown single player campaign for EvE Offline is also in the works. This will be a thrilling adventure around the universe of EvE in which the capsuleer begins their career as a lowly rookie, completing mining missions before eventually moving up to level 4 missions and incursions. Eventually the player will leave the safety of high-sec to begin a life of piracy in low-sec and finally build an entire 0.0 empire. These are all things that are possible now in EvE Online, but with EvE Offline we can finally remove any risk or challenge and dumb it down to the lowest common denominator."
CCP also announced DUST 314 will be receiving a single player campaign taking inspiration from the Modern Military Shooter genre. CCP promises to deliver a tightly scripted cinematic 3 hour campaign with linear levels, a cheesy B-movie action plot, gimmicks that only come up once and are discarded, and scripted sequences in which the player is not in control taking up at least a third of total playtime.
Eve Offline debuts this summer and is free but requires an active EvE Online subscription and constant internet connection to play.
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