Wednesday, March 13, 2013

CCP Fozzie's Latest Ship Balance Blog Just A String of Random Profanity.

CCP Fozzie has clearly lost his shit.

REYKJAVIK-CCP Fozzie today released a new post on Ship balance, in which the beleaguered dev spent 7 pages discussing his unabashed hatred for every single player in the game.   "I work my ass off 50+ hours a week for you ungrateful little shits and all I get for it is you bitching on the forums about how much you miserable fucks hate everything."  An on obviously inhebrated CCP Fozzie explained.  "Well guess what?  The Hookbill now has +5% to shield resistance per level, but only 1 mid slot.  How do you like that shit!?  Oh and Rifters?  They now have 857,402 powergrid and 2 CPU.  Deal with it, fuckers.  I AM YOUR GOD!"

Fozzie then broke a bottle over his desk and started brandishing it at any co-worker who got too close.

Players on Sisi have noted a few undocumented changes as well.  For example, shuttles now all have  15,946,875,000kg mass (about seven times that of an Avatar Titan) with an alignment time of 11 hours.

Players are divided on the new ship balance.  While no one feels the changes are good, most breathed a sigh of relief. 

"I mean, it's not good, but this is CCP we are talking about."  Said one Capsuleer.  "If even half the ships in the universe survive a rebalance pass I call that a win."   Others offered a different opinion.  "This is the second worst expansion since Incarna."  One Capsuleer stated.  "I mean, the changes are completely non-sensical and done at the whim of a drunken madman.  Don't get me wrong, though, it's no where near as bad as Incarna... but it's bad.  I mean, my Dominix now has a 35 million km3 drone bay but only 5
Mbit/sec bandwidth so I can only launch 1 light drone at a time.  What the hell?"

Among other changes CCP Fozzie has announced is Merlins now have 248 billion shield points, Rookie ships can now bridge and jump to cynos, and Black Ops have been given a 5% bigger fuel bay.

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